After all this time?....Always

Dear Lily,

You're the only person I've loved in my life. I knew I was falling for you every day while hiding behind those trees and watching you discover magic. That was when I knew you were special.

When we spoke every day lying beneath the big old trees and staring at the blue sky with the calm sound of the lake, I felt like the happiest person alive. But it didn't last long. When we went to Hogwarts, you met that conceited but endearing Potter. I was heart-broken. The things we planned to do together when we came to Hogwarts were all but dust in the air. Every day, even though I wanted to punch James and take you far away with me, I couldn't. How could I? How could a beautiful girl with the most charming green eyes and an enchanting smile like a long-nosed, dirty-haired, ugly Snivellus? I backed off. But every single day I was in pain. I didn't even care how I got hurt and bullied repeatedly by the big-headed James and his gang of louts. I became so numb to even care.

I became as hard as a rock when you married him and had Harry. I couldn't love anyone after you. I did not like the word 'Potter' at all. I already hated him so much and it increased it even more. I swore that I wouldn't care about the baby or James. 

But during that night, the night the most horrible thing happened, I couldn't just leave Harry. You gave up something so valuable for him. Your life.

During that night, after the Dark Lord left a huge scar in my life, I ran, ran as fast as I could to you. To Godrick's Hollow.

When I saw your heroic body lying so emotionless on the floor, my heart stopped. How could you leave me?

I held you tightly in my arms sobbing and stroking the tangles of your red hair wishing deeply that you'll wake up and tell me how was your day. But as always, my wish was denied. I wanted to just die right beside you but I was disturbed from my thoughts by the sniffling of the little Potter. I went to his crib and all I could see was you. Your green eyes. It was filled with water.

I knew that he was my responsibility deep inside but I didn't want to. Not even for Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of the wizarding world. It was just for you. It was just because I saw you in him. 

I was just like this strict father in secret. Even though he was just like his father, I protected him for you. Even after all that, my last wish only came true in my death bed.

To see your enticing attractive eyes which was the beginning of all this.

Yours truly,

Severus 

-K